Captain Mal Explains

And mal said...........

nine months later and wellinto their prime Rusty Hymen and Vidia Von Scrum had a litter of healthy baby Cogs or maybe Dats or Pussy Pups; yeah, Pussy Pups.  So when the Pussy Pups were discovered by the news, cat and dog offspring, they were reported asbeing a freak of nature and it was decided that these pups were to be put down. Of course Rusty and Vidia could not have it so they took their Pups away from the world of man and travelled far and wide to find a paradise where they could raise their Pussy Pups in peace; away from the things of man.  One night Vidia turns to Rusty and says.  "I remember that day when yousat on my face and I bit your ass and then you and I had coitus while you were tied up and it was so hot."

"Ahh yes! What of it?"

"Well, did you know what you were doing when you sat on me.  Did you fall in love with me immediately?"

"Um, actually, as I remember it, I was about to take a sh!t and you bit me on the ass and then you [email protected] me."  Rusty said with no care in the world.

As the shock of this realisation washed over Vidia, she looked at her dog of a husband and cried. "Do you love me Rusty?"

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake and I love our freakish children as much as I love licking my balls."

"Really?"

"Yes Vidia Ido."

So kids the moral of this story is very clear.  'Sometimes you marry a dog but he turns out to be a Pussy and sometimes you get f*#ked by a Pussy but you end up realising she is a hound dog.  Life is funny that way, but when you really look closely at this situation, you have to admit that one day if you turn around and see tha tall that is behind you is a bunch of misconceived events that brought you to a f*#king awesome place then why the f*#k would you regret a f*#king thing. At least you have one thing in common; both of you are in love or why else would you f*#k outside your species and create freakish children.

read the following very quickly without taking a breath for effect (NB: Capt. Mal does not endorse beastiality and any arguments that encourage anything of the contrary is blatant lies and in no way has Capt Mal ever watched a porno with a woman giving a horse a blowjob and thought, damn that's awesome.  Also it has always been and always will be an objective of Capt Mal's to discourage [email protected] of any sort even though women [email protected] men just sounds like it should be an Olympic sport; for example, men would be put in a Colosseum and a whole bunch of women are given stun guns and have to bag themselves a man to [email protected] in ten minutes or she gets whipped and when I say whipped I mean with cream. Life should be this fun and sexually sadistic, but since it is not then Capt Mal would just like to say that whatever your bag is baby, I just want you all to be yourselves, unless of course you are a murderer or a [email protected] or a politician or a t.v. evangelist.  I should probably stop blathering on now since you are probably running out of breath and may pass out soon, but just to push the boundaries, did anyone see the end of Lost, I did and I think that Hurley would be a great number one but how come after he's been lost on an island for like six years, he hasn't seemed to lose any f*#king weight, I mean all he's been eating is banana's and pretend peanut butter and what about Kate, yeah she's hot, but she married a Hobbit, what's that about and I thought the smoke monster was going to turn out to be the farts of Teddy Kennedy, but, Iwas way the f*#k off.  How you going, should I stop or are you still hanging in there; maybe I should.  F*#k, I can't even remember which f*#king picture I was describing, oh well, untill next time, have plenty of s#x with the one you love and eat the Wagon Wheel.)