Captain Mal Explains

And Mal Said.....................

Thank you for sending in this picture as Captain Mal has seen this before and it is time that society recognizes this painful affliction.  It is an affliction that dates back to the age of the Dinosaur.  It started when large dinosaurs would walk over volcano's and their crotch would become inflamed (of course there are no real medical  onnections to this assumed origin, but Captain Mal is pretty damn sure - and sorry for talking about myself in the third person, but I just watched Fanboy the other day and if you haven't then...well...what are you doing after you read this, since it seems you folk who read my blog don't seem to have much to do other then read blogs and probably tweet and FB. And FB does not stand for f*#k b!tch#s, it stands for Facebook!  

Also I have to apologize for assuming that you have so much time on your hands that you only communicate through the internet; it was a blatant disregard to your feelings and I possibly said it because I have not had my second cup of coffee yet this morning, not that I like coffee, I actually think it tastes like armadillo urine soaked cups of mud; how do I know how that tastes? Well, send me a picture of an armadillo and maybe you will find out.  F*#king h#ll I get of the story a lot, I think I need someone to poke me when I start blabbing on and on and I mean that in a completely non-homosexual way, not that there is anything inappropriate with men f*#king men, its actually a very natural and beautiful thing, unless of course you are a prison b!tch and Bubba is feeling saucy.  

Oh sh!t, I'm doing it again, sorry, back to the picture; and the name of this cursed affliction that has surged forward through time to lay its dirty and itchy aura all over young men and women in this day and age is "Hot Crotch", it has been sub-named "Hot [email protected]" but that is only when it refers to the female of our species.  Hot Crotch is a now rare disease as there are many ground breaking creams and applications.  The main medicinal cure is, and I'm not sh!tt!ng you on this, is saliva!!! I think you can all see where this is going!!!!!  Yes, licking your partner's crotch or finding someone to lick your crotch is the most effective form of relief.  There are some sprays that work temporarily (as pictured) that are most appropriate in some real life situations such as a basketball or netball game, although there was the incident of 2006 where the whole Brazillian Woman's team had a massive case of Hot Crotch that erupted in the last quarter of the finals, so the coach did the only thing she could!  She called upon all of the girls partners to come down to the court and salivate all over their girlfriends' afflicted region.  It took only minutes for some, but Brulga Von Sykes who was a builder of Dykes, took an hour twenty four to stop being sore and then with energy a plenty they won the game by twenty and the record did show praise in the job of blow.

That of course was an extreme situation, which was banned from the sport and after that day, all incidents were dealt with due to the amount of complaints that ensued, by spray.  Most complaints were because the incidentwas not put on You Tube, but some were credible enough to cause alloutbreaks of Hot Crotch to be dealt with via the spray 'Lickless Saliva in acan'.  Definitely effective enough, but nowhere near as exciting for anyone.And rumors are floating around that Brulga Von Sykes is going on an anti 'Lickess Saliva in a can' tour with her girlfriend Steve.

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