Captain Mal Explains

And Mal Said.....................

The challenge with [email protected] is not tobe the toughest [email protected] on the block, but to have an unbeatable strategy!

Chin Li, the local jungle boy always lived his life idolizing [email protected] fighters.  In the town close to his tree housemany a men would [email protected] fight.  They would raise their [email protected] well, preen them constantly, keep them clean and strengthen them for [email protected] fighting.

Chin Li did not have a big [email protected], but he was very proud of it none the less.  One day he swore to be a professional [email protected] fighter and to be the envy of the whole town.  Chin Li knew that training his [email protected] to be the best was necessary so he visited the old wise monkey, Red Balls, (Now, I understand that by now you are probably thinking;hey Capt. Mal, you can’t be serious; a talking f*#king monkey, but I implore you to realize that this is just a freakin’ story, so get over it will you, you tight @ss’d twit) anyway where was I?  oh yeah; talking monkey!  So Chin Li saw Red Balls and was shocked; and then Red Balls pulled up his pants.  “Sorry about that,” said Red Balls. “I usually walk around the house with out pants on because I masturbate so much.  That’s also why I have Red Balls”.  Then Chin Li asked. “Is that why you are called Red Balls?”  “No,”He said. “Mothers maiden name was Balls and I did not want to take Fathers name because he was asshole”.  “And what was his lastname?”  Chin Li asked.  “Nutsack!”  Chin Li could see why Balls was a better name then Nutsack, so he decided to change the subject.  “Will you teach me to [email protected] Fight oh great master of [email protected] fighting?”  “Show me your [email protected]!”  Chin Li showed him “You have a nice [email protected]!” and Red Balls agreed.  Day by day, Chin Li learned and mastered new strategies of [email protected] fighting.  After many moons and many tear jerking training sessions of testing his [email protected] on many different and grueling exercises, Red Balls decided that Chin Li was to learn the most important test of [email protected] fighting.  “Today you must learn how a tiny ferret can escape from a python!”  Red Balls then took out a tube of Vaseline and smeared it all over a ferret and threw the ferret into a pit with only one escape route, then a massive python came out of a hole and proceeded to chase the ferret.  The ferret ran for a while but eventually the python caught him and twisted its body around the ferret to crush it to death. Chin Li could no longer see the ferret and thought that this lesson was turning out to be a little bit f*#king pointless, but then all of a sudden the ferret ran up Red Balls leg and onto his shoulder.  Chin Li was amazed and watched as the python searched for its kill without any idea where the f*#k it had gone.  “You see jungle boy, if you are small, you must have many tricks and be well lubricated otherwise you will prove that size does matter.”

A week later Chin Li’s [email protected] was pitted against the largest black [email protected] in the county, that just so happened to be owned by Red Ball’s Father.  Chin Li was scared, but his [email protected] just seemed to stand tall and stare piercingly at its opponent while covered in vaseline.  The [email protected] fight started and Chin Li’s [email protected] and the big black [email protected] battled.  For a while Chin Li’s [email protected] got a few good pecks in but it was quickly knocked down by the opposition.  Then just when the crowd thought Chin Li’s [email protected] was beaten hard, it stood up and slipped out of a death grip and whacked the big black [email protected] from behind and then pecked it right in the nutsack.  The big black [email protected] went down and went down hard; it was limp now and just couldn’t stay up any longer.  Chin Li’s [email protected] was announced the winner.

Red Balls was a happy man, his student had beaten his Fathers [email protected] and severely wounded its nutsack, what a glorious victory.

The jungle boy was happy too; he was a professional [email protected] fighter and he had the most desired [email protected] in the county and he was only ten years old.

I love happy endings!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I have no idea why Chin Li is blowing water on that anonymous Rooster

P.P.S. oh and if you don’t quite get what the story is really about then maybe it is for the best

P.P.P.S. if however you do now know what the story is about then perhaps you should read it again with that in mind. 

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