Captain Mal Explains

And Mal Said.....................

I have been asked by the moderator to explain who I am and why I do what I do.

Firstly, I specifically call myself Capt.Mal for a very good reason, which I will explain soon enough.

And secondly, my real name is Flash! I changed it from my original name of Wendell Fluxenbaum because…..well…….it kind of sounded a bit too [email protected]…..(but not in a homosexual way; not that there is anything wrong with homosexuality, actually I’m slightly morepartial to befriending men who know exactly what they want instead of men who are all brooding and think that if it’s a woman sticking her finger in your butt, then that’s not at all [email protected])  I use the term [email protected] inrespects to the fact that I feel like I should be able to use the word in the essence of why it was originally created. [email protected] = Vibrant and flared!!  And what name could be more offensively Vibrant (or [email protected]) then Wendell Fluxenbaum???!!!

Anyway, being that my name change was partly related to the awesomeness of ‘The man who saved every one of us’- Flash and partly because Flashing is my occupation; I quickly realized that I needed another change though.  The change was not only because Flashing for a living was not as lucrative as I first believed it would be when I woke up one day in a wheel barrow full of dead ferrets and thought that if I stand at ATM’s and wait until women get money out of the machine and then flash them then I would be showered with money as the women so desperately ran in the other direction.  I was right for a little while until an old lady with a roll of twenty cent coins got me right in my little Fluxenbaum’s.  The change was also because I came across a new movie containing a character named Capt. Mal.

He seemed so confident and [email protected] and caring; three characteristics that I admire so much and claim, quite reasonably, to be at times.

So Capt. Mal it is! 

And the Capt. Mal explains blog started oneday when I was riding the 4.15 train to Ipswich,where my ‘Chick Sexer’ is.  I suppose I should quickly explain what a Chick Sexer is.  It is a person who inserts an illuminating tool into a baby bird to determine sex type.  I travel by train from a birdfarm to a chick sexer, so I guess I am a Chick Sexer Delivery Boy. It is simply my job to move the chicks from A to B and then back to A once the sex is determined.  I think it was a fine September evening when I noticed an advertisement on the train that did not make too much sense to me as the wording was ripped off.  It was a picture of a large breasted woman smiling and pointing at a Black Rooster, and even though it looked innocent enough I made some joke about how the woman was obviously impressed by the sizeof that big black [email protected]  The riders of the train laughed!

The next day a man passed me by and asked me to look under my seat, I didn’t get a look at him since it was crowded, but I assumed that he had previously noticed that I rode the same seat– J14 – every day.  Under my seat there was an envelope of awoman handing a fireman a glass of scotch in her underwear and an explanation as to what he wanted to do with my thoughts on the reasoning behind thepicture.

I really can’t say that I hadanything better to do so I helped the man out and replaced it there when I was finished.

So, I have come a long way since my days as Wendell Fluxenbaum, married to a supermodel, traveling all over the world in yachts and jets.  Now I am a simple Chick Sexer delivery boy and I write blog blurbs for an anonymous, possibly mentally disturbed, group of men.  But,I always was a minimalist at heart and I hope you enjoy my Imaginarian’s mind.

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