Captain Mal Explains

'Sensible Shoes Uncle Neville'............

is all I said to him as he drove out of our lives 6 years ago.  His question was a simple one 'What gave you the edge when you out ran that bear last winter Capt Mal'? 'Just make sure you have sensible shoes' I said and he was gone.  At Christmas he came back and guess what?  He was wearing sensible shoes'!  However he now wished to be called Aunty Neville.

Now before I go any further, I should make you aware of the fact that Aunty Neville is a believer in Benign Intervention; this means that he does what he does and is what he is and if anyone happens to agree with his aura then that is cool...Aunty N was a pacifist!  Not many people agreed with his aura though, actually after his return most people, especially the family found him downright offensive.

Aunty Neville had seen some shit!  I asked her, um him, I mean ... Anyway, I asked if he ran into any bears and he did.  He told me that his sensible shoes allowed him to run faster than the bear, but, he almost got caught though because the shorts he was wearing didn't keep his junk in control and they swung so hard and with such force that he almost went off course and hit a tree.  So he designed an outfit that would allow his junk to be controlled while he ran.  Apparently, Aunty N thought that the bear would track him since he had sex with its wife........................ It was lonely in the wilderness!

So now we are off on a family picnic and Aunty Neville got some supplies.  We met him at the picnic ground and the festivities started.  Grandma Ethel fell asleep in her chair after eating a bowl of slaw, Cousin Bunny went off into the woods with 2nd cousin Arty, Arty's girlfriend went looking for him and wound up cornered by Grandpa Willy whom talked endlessly  about the war... he wasn't in the war but he liked to talk about it while staring at Holly's tits. Then there's ma & pa, they love to play snakes and ladders.

It was 2pm when it happened and I think Aunty Neville was waiting for it... The Bear pounced out of the bushes and ran at Aunty N.  My Aunty did not skip a beat.  He was on his feet with his  bag of supplies, he reached in and pulled out a long handled net and scooped up the cranky little f#cken Koala Bear.  It was amazing to witness and very heroic.

Aunty Neville hung the bear up and started explaining to the koala that the only reason that he slept with his wife was because he was away from the tree so often and his wife really did love him.  They made up, hugged and Loofer the Koala Bear went home to Phuky.

I bet you thought that he was gonna get into a death match with Loofer, but seriously folks......... You didn't think we'd kill the f#cken Koala Bear now did you Ooohh!!!

And remember, Aunty N is a master of Benign Intervention!!!

Capt Mal out...

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